


A Design for Life

by Notasmuch



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Bad Fic, Crack, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-20
Updated: 2011-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-15 19:06:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/164013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notasmuch/pseuds/Notasmuch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Old Jensen and Jared living together in a nursing home.<br/>-> Objectively, I realize this fic is bad, but it has a special place in my heart anyway.<br/>You've been warned :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Design for Life

"Can I have your autograph please?"

Jensen smiled his best Dean Winchester smile. "Sure thing, lovely. Who's it for?"

"Marie."

"Marie. That's a beautiful name."

"Thank you." She beamed. "That's my mom. Oh my god she _loved_ Dean. She was dating my father at the time and they had a huge fight over you actually. She's gonna be so thrilled about this!"

**

Jensen slammed the door hard enough to make Jared jump. He was sitting on the bed, laptop on his knees.

"What the hell took you so long?! Did you do it?"

"I did it. I was like ninja, dude!" He pouted. "Then, on my way back, I met a middle-aged woman whose _mother_ loved Dean."

Jared snickered.

"Shut up, bitch."

"Whatever. You're old."

Jensen cocked his head. "You do realize you were on the show with me, right?"

"I was young, merely a puppy. You were the big strong man who taught me everything I know and took advantage of me."

Jared looked at him with wet soulful eyes and a shaky pout and Jensen leaned in and gave him a quick kiss before he leered at him openly.

"That I did."

Jensen sat on the side of the bed and put his hand on Jared's inner thigh.

"You were a dirty old pervert, Jen."

"I still am." He let his hand travel higher and Jared squeaked and batted his hands away. "Jensen! Don't molest me while I'm looking at Clara's honeymoon photos! It's... wrong." The last word whispered like it was a secret.

 _Heh, dirty secret_. Jensen grinned and then Jared's words finally found his brain. "She sent them?! Move over you gigantic tease, and let me see."

Photos were of a beautiful twenty something woman and her husband, standing on the beach together, looking at each other lovingly.  
Standing by a monument, looking at each other lovingly.  
Standing by a building.  
And a tree.  
Under the sun and in front of a mountain.  
Looking at each other lovingly.  
Then there was the one with her husband carrying her over his shoulder with his hand on her ass and her waving at the camera completely drunk.

"Is she," Jensen leaned closer to the screen, "drunk?"

"Well, what did you expect, she is your daughter after all."

"What?! How is she my daughter when she's drunk, but when she won the little league softball cup she was yours?"

"Cause she gets all the crappy traits from you and all the awesome ones from me. Duh."

Before Jensen could argue though, Jared's alarm went off. They both giggled for a second then went absolutely serious.

"It's time."

They closed the laptop and left their apartment together, as dignified as any pair of elderly gentlemen.

**

"Jensen! Jared!"

"Yes, Lilly?"

"Don't Lilly me you fifty foot child! Why is mister Roberts' urine fluorescent green?"

"Is it a medical question? Cause I'm an actor you know, and I didn't get any actual training for the cameo on ER. But I could..."

"Jared." The nurse's jaw was clenched and her eyelid seemed to be twitching. Jensen suddenly found the yellowish walls fascinating.

"Hmm?"

"You know what? It doesn't even matter. Just stop it. Both of you!" Her finger was in Jensen's face first, then she had to stretch a bit more to get to Jared's and she got a wide grin for her trouble.

When she stalked away Jensen leaned in and licked Jared's dimple. What? Sixty or sixteen, a dimple is a dimple.

"So. Why _did_ Rob's piss turn fluorescent green?"

"He kicked Mikey's doggie." Jared looked sad now and Jensen put an arm around his shoulders.

Granted, Mikey's "doggie" was a horse-sized, grumpy mutt, but Jared had a soft spot for those. And Rob was an asshole anyway.

"Can't believe you didn't tell me man."

"Ah," Jared waved a hand, "it was just a little revenge on the side. Hardly worth a mention considering the main course."

"Wait."

"What?"

"How does she know it's fluorescent?"

**

When they came to the dining room Jared walked straight over to a group of people watching two men play chess. He was greeted loudly and the men promised the winner would get to play with him.

Jensen rolled his eyes and went to take the table by the window, overlooking the ocean. He made sure to open it.

Old people were slaves to their habits, Jensen thought as he looked at Katie from 33B flirt with Jared.  
Dining room was actually a restaurant of sorts, a part of the retirement complex they lived in. And every evening all the tenants came out of their rooms, floating pool chairs, Bibles and laptops to gather and interact and not feel completely alone.

Kevin from 45A would bring his chess set and set it up exactly where they left it the evening before, and the battle of brains would continue.  
Mrs. Marshal, who was some 100 years old would walk in with her poodle and argue with the waiters over whether or not the dog can stay, and if Jeff's guide dog was there than why couldn't her poodle be. "It's my emotional guide dog!"  
Just like dyed-hair-too-much-makeup Katie would know Jared was his, but would still try to grab his ass.

Personally, Jensen wouldn't mind if Jared and he were the only two people left in the world. But Jared loved people. He loved giving the attention as much as getting it. Jensen didn't care as long as he got to curl up next to him every night.

Also, every evening after dinner, every single last one of them had some version of tea or hot chocolate. The willing insomniacs even braved coffee. After that they would all stay to watch the news and weather report together, argue politics, gossip or flirt. It was truly amazing how much time every day an average 60 year old spent just flirting.

Jensen grinned evilly. Well, tonight no one would be getting any action.

**

Jared was giggling in his hand pretending to poke his nose. Only in Jared-universe nose poking beat giggling.

Jensen was managing to keep his cool. And his eyes on the TV. When they did wander though, they mostly went to Katie, who was, for the first time in forever, sitting as far away from Jared as possible. Jensen saw her lean a bit to the right. Then a bit to the left. Then cough as loud as she could. He smiled just a bit before looking back at the new economic crisis.

Mark had no such problems. He let his fart fly far and wide like he always did. Nobody even paid attention any more.

When Mrs. Marshal burped though, the entire room turned to look at her. She blamed the poodle for the fart that followed.

For about an hour Jensen held himself together. Chatting and pretending not to notice anything unusual going on even when Jared got up to open the window when the situation became plain vicious.

It was when Katie made her move towards them (Jared), her hips in a sway that might have landed her in the hospital at her age, and she farted loud and long, pulling a 180 and blushing from head to toe, that Jensen cracked. He snickered too loudly and everyone turned suspicious eyes on them in a second. Even Katie turned back.  
Jensen and Jared suddenly got serious and stared at the TV intently. And look, was "Lost" still on?

"Padackles." Jensen rolled his eyes but couldn't help smile fondly. Fangirls and internet should never mix. "What did you do?"

They looked at each other decidedly. They were actors damn it! They could pull it off! Or not.  
Jared started to shake in shoulders and Jensen smiled his broad honest smile and they were laughing like lunatics before they could even try and fake innocence.

"What is wrong with you two?! You're not twelve any more you know?!"

Jensen tried to smother his laughter and look appropriately ashamed but there was no way he could stop until Jared did and, well, once Jared started going nothing could stop him.

"What the hell did you even do?"

Will always took their pranks with a smile and a shake of the head. He was quiet and kinda stuck to his own corner and his books. Jared liked him. Said he's what Jensen would be like if not for him. Jensen tried to remind him of numerous friends he had before they ever met but Jared waved a hand and asked "And where are they now" and Jensen couldn't really argue that.

"A magician never reveals his secrets." He winked at Will and the other man laughed softly and... farted.

**

"Wake up grumpy."

Jensen felt Jared's finger poke into his side and he tried to bat it away but Jared was already showered and giggling and most of all, awake, and it was a losing battle. He turned on his back, feeling it crack, _which didn't even start happening until five years ago,_ and looked at the man sitting on the side of the bed, smiling at him gently.

He trailed his fingers through Jared's gray hair. He had cut it off years ago, as soon as he didn't have to be Sam the nerdboy any more, and only let a few strands loose around his forehead every now and then. He was going for "serious" now though, so it was cut short and with very little to grab.

Jensen tried anyway. Jared's yelp of pain didn't stop him from pulling the evil giant closer to him.

"Why, Jared?"

"Ouch, pain, let go."

"It's still dark outside. I will kill you. Nobody will ever find your body."

"Newspapers." Jared squeaked.

 _Oh. Right._ "Fine. You can live."

Jared grinned again and kissed him on the cheek, covering a bunch of wrinkles, evidence of time and life.

"You need a shower."

"Mmh."

"Jensen!"

"I'm up!"

The shower was mostly cold, like every other time Jared woke up first, "there's a lot of me to wash" becoming his mantra when they first moved in together. More than thirty years ago.

When he was done, he stood in front of the mirror and touched the cheek Jared had kissed earlier. Stretched the freckled skin and sighed. Fucking freckles. You'd think they'd go away with age. Instead, only the wrinkles appeared. He hated them both.

Which was funny cause... he pretty much loved every mole and wrinkle on Jared's face.  
He could find every one of his moles in the dark, with his lips or his fingers, gave them secret names and sometimes moaned them in inappropriate moments making Jared look at him suspiciously.  
He witnessed the birth of every single one of those wrinkles and knew why they were there. Each one brought back a memory; some beautiful, some sad, but always Jared.

He cocked his head and looked at himself in the mirror, shiny green eyes and pouty lips. And perhaps he could live with the rest because, sometimes Jared moaned different names when touching his face too.

**

Five minutes to spare and they were waiting for the newspaper truck on the corner of their street. Jared already talked to the man, promised him he wouldn't get in trouble, and he just had to turn his back for... fifteen or so minutes. What, they weren't young any more.

In the end it took twenty five, but they paid the man extra for waiting and being late for his next stop. They had a bit of time left to decorate the dining room and hall before they got back to the apartment, and they were still on time to hear the thud of newspaper hitting the carpet in front of their door.

They flinched and looked at each other with every door they heard open and close. Granted, they couldn't hear a lot, but it was enough to have them itching to get out and see how it played out. Still, they waited patiently for their usual time to get up for breakfast, and Jensen even had to put on his grumpy face so as not to look too awake. Being an actor sometimes came in so handy.

So naturally, when they walked out of their apartment and saw huge black and white poster-sized image of both of their asses staring back at them from the hallway wall... they couldn't help but grin happily. Ok, really, it looked like a big black X or a "plus" squished together by something jell-o-like. But everyone would know what it really was.

And everyone who was subscribed to any newspaper got a copy. The few that didn't, could see them on the walls and floors of the building.

Will met them in the hall and smiled good-naturedly as always. Then something sparkled in his eyes and he looked at the paper in his hands. "You should get this checked out Jensen." He pointed at a spot on the image and nodded worriedly before he walked right on. Jensen looked at him confused for a moment, then burst out laughing.

"Hey!" Jared shouted after Will. "How did you know that was Jensen!?"

Jensen pushed him in the direction of breakfast and he gave up, but pouted until Jensen reminded him it only made him wrinkle more.

Everyone at the diner went quiet and looked up when they came in. Surprisingly, some actually blushed and looked away. Even more surprisingly, Mrs. Marshal wasn't one of them. In fact... "Did she just wink at me!?" Jensen whispered in horror to Jared and got a "Just stay up the wind, they can smell fear." for a reply.

Comments were pouring down, as well as a few pats on the back and they knew they'd meet people all day who would have something to say.

Jensen felt bad, in a slightly morbid kind of way, that Jeff couldn't participate in the prank, but then Mikey sat down next to Jeff to explain all the commotion and he knew Jeff was perhaps the lucky one.

He saw Katie look at her copy of the image and couldn't help but wonder if she might frame it. But, she looked at them both with disdain quickly before she crumpled it and threw it into garbage so... perhaps not.

When they sat down and ordered breakfast, Jared unrolled his newspaper and their own copy fell out on the table. Jared looked at it fondly. He leaned in and whispered "You have a great ass, baby."

"Likewise, honey." Jensen took his sports section from Jared's hold and read it waiting for the coffee.

**

"Hi guys."

It was evening and they were at a table in the game room, playing cards and whispering about the plan for later that night when the voice interrupted them. Jensen looked up and there was Will. With a tiny, pretty, red haired lady standing next to him.

"Hi." Jared was the first to react and he looked at Will, expecting something more.

"This is Melanie. Mel, this is Jared, and Jensen." His smile was proud like that introduction just said it all.

"It's so nice to finally meet you guys, Will's told me to much about you."

"Oh, yeah. Nice to meet you too. Finally."

Jared and Jensen exchanged confused looks but just nodded to Will when he said "Ok, we have to go now, but I'll see you later."

"That was strange," Jensen frowned when they were alone.

"Awww."

"What?"

Jared was looking after the couple dreamily. "Will's got a girlfriend."

"No way!?" Jensen turned and yup, there it was, Will was holding her hand. "Well, here's to Will and his girl."

They clicked their chocolate cups together and smiled as Will put a scarf over her shoulders.

**

"You're a moron." Jensen whispered and threw his bag on the floor, trying to breathe through his achy lungs.

"Shut up." Jared wasn't doing too good himself.

"We're too old for this shit."

"It's only two floors more."

"You climb them!"

"I'm gonna!" Jared sat on the step. "As soon as I rest a bit."

"Good. Then you can carry me down on your way back."

"As if. I'm taking the elevator down."

"And you don't see any lack of logic in that?"

"It would make too much noise!"

"Unlike this?"

Jared took a minute. "Fine. We'll take the elevator."

"Thank god."

"Was a time we could run that flight of stairs." Jared noticed as they rode up, a speaker in one hand, mp3 player in the other.

"Was a time we'd have a quickie in the elevator."

"I can hear my knees weeping just at the thought of it."

"I can hear them too."

Jared elbowed him. "Shut up."

They opened the door to the roof and stepped out into the almost warm night.

Jared took the other speaker from Jensen and started plugging everything together as Jensen locked the door and spread out the sleeping bags, along with the essential water, cookies and a tiny pillow.

In a few minutes everything was ready. Speakers were on the edge of the roof, set to loudest, and sleeping bags were joined together so both of them could fit in, placed far enough from the speakers they could hear themselves think.

Jared pressed play and got between the bags, looking up at the stars, pillow under his head and Jensen's cheek on his shoulder.

 _"Welcome back, boys. As somebody once said... there's a difference between a failure... and a fiasco. Watch your head. I'm fine. A failure is simply the non-presence of success. Any fool can accomplish failure. I'm fine. I'm fine. What the hell's he doing here? But a fiasco... A fiasco is a disaster of mythic proportions. A fiasco is a folktale told to others... that makes other people feel more alive... because it didn't happen to them."_

They had 8 hours worth of movie audios on the player, and the whole complex to enjoy it with. Jensen pulled the bag tighter around them and closed his eyes listening to Jared crunch cookies and drop crumbs into his hair.

**

Two days were spent in peace and silence. By the end of first day everyone was getting twitchy, and people mostly skipped dinner altogether. But when they all woke up next morning, unharmed and well rested, they seemed to relax. Some of them even smiled at Jared again. By the end of day two, the diner was full again.

**

He woke up alone and sat in bed pouting until Jared walked in with a huge cup of coffee and a bag full of chocolate muffins.

"You know, you are totally limiting me with this no-flowers rule."

"That's OK, muffins will do." Jensen did grabby hands for both and Jared gave them up and ruffled Jensen's silver hair.

"So, what do you wanna do today?"

"Fehs!" Muffin sprayed all around and Jared didn't look impressed. Jensen chewed and swallowed carefully.

"Yeees?"

"Um, sex."

Jared grinned lazily. "Oh well, if I must."

When they got up, coffee was cold, it was close to lunch and Jensen felt sorry for the abused muffins. Though not a lot.

**

Jared told him he had a surprise for him and Jensen frowned until Jared promised it wasn't a stripper. _And that's one Christmas he'll never forget._ But he still didn't know what it was and Jared was proving to be uncharacteristically silent about it. He also disappeared a few more times during the day and by dinnertime Jensen was seriously worried Jared would set the building on fire or something.

In the dining room Jared didn't do his usual round of greetings with everybody, just led him to the middle table and told him to sit there.

"Don't move."

"Even if the place is on fire?" Jensen mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing." Really, Jared had only ever broken his own bones, it was about time Jensen started showing some faith. "I'll be here."

Jared walked over to the bar and talked to the waiter who smiled enthusiastically and went in the back. He then nodded to someone in the back of the room and Jensen turned in time to see another waiter turn on the ceiling fans.

Women started squeaking and men grumbled as a rain of colorful confetti flew from the fans all around the room.

The middle fan was right above Jensen and when he stood up very few of the flying confetti reached him. Like he was under an umbrella watching rainbow colored snow fall all around him, covering everyone and everything in a pastel blanket.

"Happy birthday, Jen." Jared sneaked in behind him and wrapped his arms around Jensen's smaller frame, kissing his ear and neck and shoulder, a birthday cake-shaped-muffin in his palm.

Jensen turned in Jared's arms, opened the smiling lips with his own and kissed him deep and hard.

And even the grumpiest of old people didn't object because, well, everyone knew Jensen and Jared were meant to be.

**

 _Happy birthday dad! :*_

 _Kisses and hugs from us both. Well, mostly hugs from Trev. Isn't he adorable when he frowns? He totally is.  
I'm so sorry I can't be there with you but I'm sure Jared is making you plenty happy. *g*  
Also, I have the best birthday present for you - ever. Only you won't get it for another nine months or so. I'm sure you will find it in your heart to forgive me though._

 _I love you both!_

 _PS. Turn on your skypehones, Statler and Waldorf, technology is not out to get you!  
PPS. Yes, I sent you the ouzo, should be there today or tomorrow. _


End file.
